Self Serve

The way my mind actually works? First of all, it arguably doesn’t; but to the degree it does, it tends to jump back, forth, and around…

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Self-service is fine, but being self-serving is not, so: help yourself to the buffet, but while doing so, don’t brag about your wonderful diet and look disapprovingly at other people’s plates. And if you so much as mention Crossfit, we’re all throwing Cobb Salad at you.

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“Man, I mean… I try to do the right thing, but sometimes… the right thing is… not exactly… where I can reach it, so, I just do what I do.”

– from an actual conversation I was part of recently

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Working teaches you subtle distinctions. For instance, having oversight is good, but having oversights can get you fired.

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“… Dude, you can’t just cheat on your wife.”

“She doesn’t care, as long as I’m not bothering her.”

“Are you serious?”

“About her not caring? Umm — yeah. She’s elevated not caring to an art form.”

– from the same conversation

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Since many of you, I’m sure, read this blog for its outstanding insights into human morality, I’ll lay out some basic principles.

• It is arguably possible for a person to strike another person in self-defense.
• It is also arguably possible for a person to kill another person in self-defense.
• It is, however, impossible (arguably or otherwise) for a person to rape another person in self-defense.

Since, for the first two types of actions listed above, self-defense is thought to be the only reason justifying the actions, one can presumably conclude that there is no justification of any kind, ever, for the last action named. WHICH EVERY DECENT PERSON ALREADY KNOWS.

(Sorry, I didn’t mean to yell. Well, actually I did.)

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Since writing is very taxing, I feel like, here in the US, we should only have to do it April 15th. Or quarterly, if we’re self-employed.

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“… Why not just get divorced, then?”

“If I ask for a divorce, she’ll take me to the cleaners! She’ll say I was cheating on her –“

“But YOU ARE cheating on her.”

“That hasn’t been legally established yet.”

“Dude, you’re completely insane.”

“Look, your wife actually likes you, so, I’m not sure you’re qualified to speak on the matter.”

– more from the same conversation

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As a prelude to any potential future run for public office, the author of this blog would like to disclaim any knowledge of his own actions.

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Imagination is more important than most people realize, because empathy is impossible without it.

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I was asked by a reader to describe what I look like. I look as though I ate the younger version of myself.

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When the journey becomes the goal, rather than the destination, traveling gets a lot easier.

The downside is, you are unlikely to arrive anywhere in particular.

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“… Besides, don’t tell me you aren’t attracted to other women.”

“I never said that.”

“You act like this couldn’t happen to you.”

“I — no, I know better. I’m only lucky so far. Look, my bad. You just live your life, I have no business judging stuff I’m sure that I don’t understand.”

“Have you ever cheated on your wife?”

“No. Well, no, not… no.”

“What kind of answer is that?”

“The only one you’re getting.”

“Okay, fine Mister Self-serving, have it your way.”

 

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For Nano Poblano this year, I’m trying a prose post a day instead of my usual work in poetry. Thanks for reading. – S.B.