Scenes from My Office

(These are snippets of actual work conversations I have participated in within the last week or so. I am always the second person speaking. – S.B.)

“… Doesn’t it bother you knowing he makes more money than you do?”
“No. It’s always a mistake in making statistical comparisons to anchor to the proximate.”
“Wow. That sentence actually just came out of your mouth.”
“I had to put it somewhere.”

“Are you coming out with the rest of us to watch the eclipse?”
“I don’t think so, no.”
“You just can’t stand doing anything that everyone else is doing, can you?”
“Well, that’s true, too, but, in this case it has to do with being a photosensitive epileptic.”
“Did you say ‘oversensitive’ epileptic?”
“No, I said ‘photosensitive’… although now that you bring it up, ‘oversensitive’ epileptic isn’t a bad description for me.”

“What are you doing for lunch?”
“I brought a lunch, and I’m planning on eating it and doing some reading.”
“That doesn’t sound very exciting.”
“Clearly, you’ve been reading the wrong books.”
“I don’t really read books.”
“Then you aren’t really a competent judge as to how exciting my lunch will be, are you?”

“Your wife is a preacher, right? A minister?”
“But she used to be dancer… did I hear that right, too?”
“You did.”
“And what exact degree did she get that qualified her to do both of those things?”
“That isn’t exactly a normal career path, is it?”
“You want to ask a woman who’d marry me if she does anything normal?”
“Good point.”

“Why do you think the company stresses diversity so much?”
“Because it’s important to attract and retain the highest performing employees.”
“And you think diversity makes that happen?”
“Not with certainty. However, I’m very sure lack of diversity will prevent any possibility of it happening.”

“Did you see the report those consultants put together?”
“What did you think?”
“What every competent person in the company thinks when they read such a report: (a) I can’t believe we paid for this; followed by (b) I should have been a consultant.”

“You look tired.”
“Tired? No, I am fatigued, and a little weary, and maybe kind of drained…”
“Aren’t those all synonyms?”
“Maybe. I’m too tired to look it up.”

(Working a crossword puzzle) “Other than a boomerang, what is something else that always comes back when you get rid of it?”
“My adult children?”

Author: Beleaguered Servant

Owen "Beleaguered" Servant (a/k/a Sibelius Russell) writes poetry mostly, with an occasional pause to have a seizure.

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